missing you.
XOXO

M i s k a r m a l i a


ms.karmalia@gmail.com
July 9, 1987

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Busybody

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Tuesday, August 16, 2005, 10:49 PM

Had training juz nw. I think that was the worst training for me- i'm dissapointed with myself. I came late, i did not run, my hits are crap. Then i realise, i was just wasting my time there. Being drained frm the full-pack weekend is not an excuse- of all people i shld noe it better. I'm dissaponted. I looked at Kris, i used to be like her. Filled with energy to run ard- back and forth. Kevin praised her for her fitness. I said under my breath "I used to be like her- 4 years ago." Damn. He heard it. "Mis, at ur age U shld be like her!" Opps. Okok. Shall take it positively. Well, i'm aware ya. That my fitness have majorly dropped eversince i'm nt in the Nats. Kevin questions my fitness. Uh oHh. I need to go fer a run soon.

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Well, lets talk abt more hoki. I've been in the Club for like let me see 4-5yrs nw- since 13ish. I was brought up in the culture of being screamed, shouted, cursed when i did crap load shit on the pitch. There is where i picked up and learned. I even remember being singled out in a pack just to do and correct my basics. That was my lowest point. I wanted to throw my stick at him and quit altogether. But i nvr did. Cuz at the end of the day, i noe Danker meant good and wants me to improve to a better player. I remember having a talk wit Melissa- our ex-convenor b4 Ben- abt me stopping hockey cuz of sch and all. She questions me- whether i'm really stopping cuz of that. She comforts me by visualising long term. Telling me the Seniors are doing so cuz they really wants us to improve.

Nw, i see. I can actually look back and proudly say "Thank god they scream, shout and curse." I've heard feedbacks abt me being harsh towards my U18 girls. Being pissed and irritated at dumb stuff and i'm expecting too much. Honestly, i'm nt even close to where the Seniors have put me tru. I just want them to adapt to the culture that i've been brought up all these years in the Club. Understand me, that i'm nt putting the girls dwn or demoralise them.. hw and when can they learn if i keep saying sweet luving stuff. At the end of the day, what happens on the pitch ends at the pitch- no harsh feelings. I'm nt perfect, i have to admit- i'm human too. I'm still learning frm the Seniors and Kevin some skills, strength and kicking bad habits. I noe Kevin also expects a certain standard frm me. And believe me seeing the disappointment on his face when his heads drops- when i missed hit, missed trap, and stupid skill crap shit- isn't the most fantastic feeling ya. At the end of the day, i throw my stick one coner, my shin guard on the other.. I noe that i need to improve and nvr happy on the standard where i am. Pardon me if i have high expectations on them cuz i too have it for myself.

Kevin told us that in December that he's bring the U21 girls up to KL for a major 3-day Hockey Boot Camp. That's great. And he stressed on the words "This is not a social trip. Ehem.. You all are expected to be in ur hotel room at a certain decent time." Umm.. Aye-aye Sir.